Hagrid and Dumbledore Sensual Feelings
by AlrightAndrew
Summary: Hagrid and Dumbledore is an unexplored relationship in Steven King's Harry Potter universe so I wanted to demonstrate it with a script.


[INT. Hagrid's house, candles lit, bath of hot water, roast chicken in the oven, DAY]

HAGRID:Ah. What a great day to be Hagrid, and to do all the Hagrid things I do. Why I'm a giant, me, so that Roast Chicken will be like a Midday snack ho ho!

[Knock on the door]

HAGRID:Oh blimey, who could that be? Harry's not currently in school and people usually don't visit old Hagrid. Why I better go walk on my two giant legs to the door.

[HAGRID opens the door to find DUMBLEDORE]

DUMBLEDORE:Hello Hagrid, how have you been feeling?

HAGRID:Ah Dumbledore! My old friend!

DUMBLEDORE:Oh ho! Yes. It is I, Dumbledore, from the Harry Potter series of

HAGRID:Events!

DUMBLEDORE:Yes Hagrid! You big beautiful giant you.

HAGRID:Oh I try (Blushing). What brings you to my hut anyway, Dumbledore?

DUMBLEDORE:Oh I just wanted to visit. It gets lonely in the school when all of the teachers don't come in and the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher all turn out to be evil.

HAGRID:That's true! (Chuckles like a Jolly big man). Want to share some Roast Chicken with me?

DUMBLEDORE:No thank you I'm stuffed. I ate Dobby earlier. You know what? (Slight pause with a smile with a slight bite on the bottom lip) Yes I would like dinner with you.

HAGRID:Splendid! I just need to take it out of the oven

DUMBLEDORE:Okay!

[Dumbledore makes a heart shape out of his fingers and closes his eyes followed by a cute smile like he is from an anime]

[HAGRID takes the roast chicken out of the oven and places it onto a plate, while DUMBLEDORE sits on the table]

DUMBLEDORE:It smells lovely. Like yourself!

HAGRID:Oh stop! You're putting butterflies in my big ol' belly (giggles, followed by placing it onto the table and sitting down)

[HAGRID and DUMBLEDORE are eating the Roast Chicken.]

DUMBLEDORE:Hagrid, I learned a new spell the other day

HAGRID:Oh you did? What does it do?

DUMBLEDORE:It makes me see the truth in the world. All what is true and false, and I can see who is truly the most beautiful person in Hogwarts.

HAGRID:Oh (slowly starts smiling when he thinks DUMBLEDORE is speaking about HAGRID)

DUMBLEDORE:And that person is… you

HAGRID:(Squeals like a fangirl)

DUMBLEDORE:And I want to spend a lot of time here from now often.

HAGRID:Oh thank you Dumbledore I wanted the same!

DUMBLEDORE:Wow. I suppose we just

HAGRID AND DUMBLEDORE AT THE SAME TIME:Work for each other (Pause in shock when they realise how alike they are)

[HAGRID and DUMBLEDORE carry on eating the Roast Chicken until DUMBLEDORE is full]

DUMBLEDORE:Why I am now stuffed. That was beautiful Hagrid.

HAGRID:I do my best. (winks to DUMBLEDORE)

DUMBLEDORE:

So (saying seductively and slowly) now what do you want to do?

HAGRID:(Seductively as well) Well.. I'd really be up to.. something fun with somebody I…

[HAGRID and DUMBLEDORE are slowly moving their heads closer together]

HARRY POTTER:(Opens the door, enthusiastic throughout the rest of the script) Hello Hagrid! Why what a lovely day this is, oh, Dumbledore as well!

[HAGRID and DUMBLEDORE very quickly move their heads apart as soon as HARRY comes in]

DUMBLEDORE:Oh. (pause) Hi Harry.

HAGRID:(Sarcastically) Woooo. Harry. Everyone loves you Harry, you're such a bundle of joy wooo.

HARRY:Why thank you Hagrid! Such a great friend! Did you know I was the boy that lived?

HAGRID:(still sarcastic) No.. I never heard that one before.

DUMBLEDORE:Hey Harry, do you like to play fetch?

HARRY:Fetch? Like a dog? Don't be silly Dumbledore (chuckles)

DUMBLEDORE:Oh that's a shame. I really wanted to play fetch with you by throwing this (pause to look for something, sees an orange, picks it up) this orange.

HARRY:Sorry Dumbledore (chuckles), I am not a dog. Don't want to play fetch, me.

HAGRID:You know what? (Walks up to HARRY) You can play fetch with these (picks up HARRY'S glasses, throws them out the window).

HARRY:Oh no I can't see. You might have accidentally picked up and thrown my glasses instead of the orange. Common mistake though (chuckles again).

HAGRID:(Pushes Harry out of the hut)

HARRY:Ooopsidaisy.

HAGRID:Now where were we?

[DUMBLEDORE nowhere to be seen]

HAGRID:Where are you Dumbledore?

DUMBLEDORE's voice:I'm in the bathroom

[HAGRID walks into the bathroom to find DUMBLEDORE in the bath with a bar of soap on him covering up a certain something]

HAGRID:Oh (chuckles) this is a surprise, Dumbledore.

DUMBLEDORE:Oh yes it is, but we all saw it coming (laughs) take off my soap.

HAGRID:I was definitely going to do that!

DUMBLEDORE:Take off the soap as I will be serving dessert.

[HAGRID reaches out for the soap]

[VOLDEMORT appears with smoke coming around him]

HAGRID and DUMBLEDORE:Voldemort?!

VOLDEMORT:Ay what's up guys it's me, Voldemort. The hell are you fools up to?

HAGRID:None of your business Voldemort, you'll just ruin it like the Halloween Party

VOLDEMORT:

(Interrupting) Hey! Dressin' up as Pinocchio is offensive to me!

HAGRID:Alright alright.

DUMBLEDORE:Sure is nosey of you to come in like this, Voldemort.

VOLDEMORT:Oh ha ha I have no nose so let's call me nosey. Not cool man. Not cool.

DUMBLEDORE:I didn't mean it like that.

VOLDEMORT:Whatever Dumbledork (emphasis on dork). Anyway I'm here because you guys are mean.

HAGRID:Mean?

VOLDEMORT:Yeah, mean! Throwing Harry's glasses, you know that guy's an orphan right?

DUMBLEDORE:(Quiet mumble to try and make it so VOLDEMORT can't hear) Yeah because of you!

VOLDEMORT:(shouting) 'ey! It's not my fault I mixed up the spell of happiness and riches with the spell of death.

DUMBLEDORE:It's called Deathendo, Voldemort.

VOLDEMORT:Whatever, just stop being so mean alright?

DUMBLEDORE:Fine. God. So whiney.

VOLDEMORT:And you Hagrid?

HAGRID:Sorry.

VOLDEMORT:That's better! Later homies (vanishes with smoke).

HAGRID:Now where were we?

DUMBLEDORE:Hee hee hee.

HAGRID:Let's grab that Nimbus 2000!

DUMBLEDORE:Oh yes!

[HAGRID and DUMBLEDORE have sensual time but the camera is positioned out of the hut with only the sounds.]

HAGRID:

(gets out of bath) Let's get Snape involved next time!

DUMBLEDORE:Yes! He will blow us out of the window! (winks at camera)

END.


End file.
